Never Give Up. Ever.

For the last three nights that we were at A-Mane English Center, the staff gave us an opportunity to use a portion of each class time to share the gospel. We all prayed about what to do, and we wanted to share something about the Woman at the Well story, and I felt led to share my testimony. I had never formally shared my testimony, so honestly, I was nervous. We created a skit to the song “The Struggle” by Tenth Avenue North. It was some of my story mixed with the Woman at the Well. In the skit, we acted out all the lies that are put onto a person and how Jesus wants to take those lies away and show us the truth about ourselves and about Him if we let Him. After the skit, I shared some my testimony and how the skit was about my life. It was really a powerful experience for me. 

A big change has taken place in my life through coming to DTS. I was raised in a Christian home, but there was so much that I did not let God truly do in my heart. I worried for probably 7-8 years off and on that I was not saved. I thought if I did not always listen perfectly to God, I would go to Hell. I was constantly worried about confessing my sins. I knew that God loved me, but I realize a lot of times I thought that  He was mad at me. I did not see Him as a loving Father who encourages me, and helps me up when I fall. I did not understand grace, and that He would empower me to do that right thing. I thought that usually whatever His plan was would be the opposite of what I wanted. At times, I believed that I was ugly, and that my beauty depended on the number I weighed on the scale. I thought that people did not really like me, and usually did not want me around. I believed that they would always want other people to be their friends before they would want me, so I held back from pursuing friendships and truly loving others and seeing the worth that God has put into me. The crazy thing is, I knew the truth about many of these things in my head, but in my heart I did not. 

From the first day at DTS in our worship time, God started breaking down the lies. He said to me, “You are My Child. My Child. My Child. My Child.” I don’t know how exactly, but through that, He started revealing to me, that I was believing lies. He showed me, I am saved. I get to hear Him speak to me, and see Him work through me. I realized that He is not always angry with me. I can not earn His love. He just wants to be my Dad and wants me to trust Him and be guided. Yes, I need to obey Him, but when I do mess up, He helps me up. It is like I am a baby learning to walk. The Dad does not yell at me after I fall from taking my first steps. The Dad encourages me to keep trying and even helps me up! I’ve realized He just wants time with me and wants my heart. 

For a long time during the lecture phase at DTS, and even at times on outreach, I have felt alone or that people wanted to be friends with others more than me. Last week, a wise lady told me that I needed to learn to like myself. I realize just how true that is. I can not see people having fun together and growing close to each other, and immediately assume they do not like me, and put myself down. This is not the way God loves me. I am learning to pray scripture over myself (yes, really) as a way to break down this lie. I am learning to be free to be myself, and try to love on people without assuming they do not want my love. When it comes to beauty, I am believing that I am made in the image of God. I know that I am fearfully and wonderfully made. I am trying to learn to even eat in a way that brings Him honor. This goes with not eating too much, but also not eating too little as a way to lose weight. The scale will not be an idol. I am a creation of God, and I am trying to see myself and my body in that way. I wish I could make all these lies be gone by tomorrow, but as you can see I can not. God may chose to heal some people of them overnight, or maybe even me. But, unless He decides to do that, for me it is a process. It is a battle. But, in Christ, “The weapons we fight with are not the weapons of the world. On the contrary, we have divine power to demolish strongholds. We demolish arguments and every pretension that sets itself up against the knowledge of God, and we take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ.” II Corinthians 10:4. 

Even after sharing my testimony, Allison (one of my team leaders) asked if any of the lies were coming up again, and the past couple weeks, they have definitely been coming up. For a while, I almost felt like a fake. I had just shared my testimony about overcoming lies, and I was feeling buried by them. But, I am learning new ways to fight them. I have power in Jesus name, and He has the victory. He sees me as beautiful and enough. Even though it is something I am still dealing with daily, God has changed my mindset and taught me so much. I see that He delights in me and cares about my heart and my desires too. I realize that Jesus is just SO GOOD! And beautiful. I won’t always feel like it, but sometimes those moments come, when you do feel it. In those moments you know, nothing else matters except Him, and that is just perfect for me too. It is the most beautiful thing ever. 

After sharing some of this, and how God loves the kids, we did a project with them on Truth. It was meant to show how God sees them. Then we prayed and asked God is He had words for us to write about them as well. It was really cool to be able to speak life into them. To show them God’s undying love for them. 

Some of the classes had a Thai teacher who was able to translate, but other classes did not. At first, it was upsetting, but I’m learning God speaks whatever He wants to the heart—beyond spoken language. Some of the kids said that they understood how I felt when I was acting in the play. Some of them knew about Jesus and others did not, but it was awesome to see them respond. In one class, the Thai teacher was talking about Jesus, and two little boys started asking questions like, “Do you really see Jesus?” and “Why did Jesus have to die for us?” and “So all you have to do is believe in Him?” It was such a blessing to be able to use the work God is doing in my life, to show the kids how He loves them that much too! 

Luke 1:37~38

When deciding which country I would go to for outreach, I definitely had some praying to do. When I first came, God kept putting Thailand on my heart. This was new to me, because Thailand was the country I knew the least about when coming here. But, it would not get out of my head. We all had to fill out a form listing the names of the different outreach locations (India, Thailand, Mexico, and Uganda). I had nothing against going to any of them, but I felt God was saying Thailand. So I ranked that the highest on my list. After everyone turned in their form, more than half of our DTS had felt led to Thailand, and some were asked to re-pray about it and consider a different location, so we didn’t have a giant team. At one point I was settled on a different outreach, but realized that I wasn’t making the decision for the right reasons. Yes, they seemed like good reasons: where I thought I’d make the most difference, where I thought I’d feel more comfortable, and where I hoped God was saying was okay. Well, I had to go with what I felt God leading me to the most. We ended up making two Thailand teams. I am on the smaller of the two. There are 6 students (including me) and 2 leaders on our team. We have an awesome group! God’s plan is always better than my own. Although some of the things we are doing may seem seem kind of like a misfit to my personality, I know this is where God is calling me. “The very thing that you think is disqualifying you is really the thing that is qualifying you.” Although it will be difficult and I will have many challenges, “Three times I pleaded with the Lord to take it away from me. But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me. That is why, for Christ’s sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong.” 2 Corinthians 12:8-10

Some of the things God has been teaching me about going to Thailand and life in general: When you seek you shall find. Be vulnerable. Don’t let offenses build up, take care of them when they come up. Be confident in who God made you to be. Don’t compare and don’t try to be someone else. :) Be unified in the love of Christ. 

Sometimes you have to speak truth and life over yourself. You can’t expect others to know what you are thinking and feeling. You can’t just expect everything to instantly change. You need to take action to make that change. You should seek out prayer and help from others. You NEED to seek out God—for who He really is, not who you think He is. Life and our walk with God is a journey and a process. It takes time to get where you want to be and should be. But, don’t stop trying. God will never give up on you! He just wants to spend time with you. He wants you to rest in His presence. He will guide you through and teach you step-by-step. It will not all happen at once. But, be persistent in your prayers and trust Him. This is a note from my one-on-one from a while ago. But, it’s so true! “Don’t give up! God has so much for you this season. Lean into Him…He longs to speak to you, and even just to spend time with you. You are important and have a unique purpose in His Kingdom.” God has this from each of us. He is teaching me to believe truth and trust that I am not the exception; that I can hear His voice. I am learning to put my focus on Him and not on my fears :) He is not done with me yet. But!… “He who began a good work in me will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus.” Philippians 1:6

I am God’s beloved daughter going to show God’s love to the people of Thailand and Cambodia. I don’t have to worry about what to say or do because God had it covered and will lead and guide me. I am going to help women in prostitution, play with children in the slums, minister to sex tourists, and teach people English—all in the name of Jesus Christ. To Him be the glory. “Grace to you from God our Father and the Lord Jesus Christ.” Philippians 1:2 

“May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in Him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit.” Romans 15:13

When deciding which country I would go to for outreach, I definitely had some praying to do. When I first came, God kept putting Thailand on my heart. This was new to me, because Thailand was the country I knew the least about when coming here. But, it would not get out of my head. We all had to fill out a form listing the names of the different outreach locations (India, Thailand, Mexico, and Uganda). I had nothing against going to any of them, but I felt God was saying Thailand. So I ranked that the highest on my list. After everyone turned in their form, more than half of our DTS had felt led to Thailand, and some were asked to re-pray about it and consider a different location, so we didn’t have a giant team. At one point I was settled on a different outreach, but realized that I wasn’t making the decision for the right reasons. Yes, they seemed like good reasons: where I thought I’d make the most difference, where I thought I’d feel more comfortable, and where I hoped God was saying was okay. Well, I had to go with what I felt God leading me to the most. We ended up making two Thailand teams. I am on the smaller of the two. There are 6 students (including me) and 2 leaders on our team. We have an awesome group! God’s plan is always better than my own. Although some of the things we are doing may seem seem kind of like a misfit to my personality, I know this is where God is calling me. “The very thing that you think is disqualifying you is really the thing that is qualifying you.” Although it will be difficult and I will have many challenges, “Three times I pleaded with the Lord to take it away from me. But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me. That is why, for Christ’s sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong.” 2 Corinthians 12:8-10

Some of the things God has been teaching me about going to Thailand: When you seek you shall find. Be vulnerable. Don’t let offenses build up, take care of them when they come up. Be confident in who God made you to be. Don’t compare and don’t try to be someone else. :) Be unified in the love of Christ. 

I am God’s beloved daughter going to show God’s love to the people of Thailand and Cambodia. I don’t have to worry about what to say or do because God had it covered and will lead and guide me. I am going to help women in prostitution, play with children in the slums, minister to sex tourists, and teach people English—all in the name of Jesus. To Him be the glory.