Jesus Speaks Truth
For the last three nights that we were at A-Mane English Center, the staff gave us an opportunity to use a portion of each class time to share the gospel. We all prayed about what to do, and we wanted to share something about the Woman at the Well story, and I felt led to share my testimony. I had never formally shared my testimony, so honestly, I was nervous. We created a skit to the song “The Struggle” by Tenth Avenue North. It was some of my story mixed with the Woman at the Well. In the skit, we acted out all the lies that are put onto a person and how Jesus wants to take those lies away and show us the truth about ourselves and about Him if we let Him. After the skit, I shared some my testimony and how the skit was about my life. It was really a powerful experience for me.
A big change has taken place in my life through coming to DTS. I was raised in a Christian home, but there was so much that I did not let God truly do in my heart. I worried for probably 7-8 years off and on that I was not saved. I thought if I did not always listen perfectly to God, I would go to Hell. I was constantly worried about confessing my sins. I knew that God loved me, but I realize a lot of times I thought that He was mad at me. I did not see Him as a loving Father who encourages me, and helps me up when I fall. I did not understand grace, and that He would empower me to do that right thing. I thought that usually whatever His plan was would be the opposite of what I wanted. At times, I believed that I was ugly, and that my beauty depended on the number I weighed on the scale. I thought that people did not really like me, and usually did not want me around. I believed that they would always want other people to be their friends before they would want me, so I held back from pursuing friendships and truly loving others and seeing the worth that God has put into me. The crazy thing is, I knew the truth about many of these things in my head, but in my heart I did not.
From the first day at DTS in our worship time, God started breaking down the lies. He said to me, “You are My Child. My Child. My Child. My Child.” I don’t know how exactly, but through that, He started revealing to me, that I was believing lies. He showed me, I am saved. I get to hear Him speak to me, and see Him work through me. I realized that He is not always angry with me. I can not earn His love. He just wants to be my Dad and wants me to trust Him and be guided. Yes, I need to obey Him, but when I do mess up, He helps me up. It is like I am a baby learning to walk. The Dad does not yell at me after I fall from taking my first steps. The Dad encourages me to keep trying and even helps me up! I’ve realized He just wants time with me and wants my heart.
For a long time during the lecture phase at DTS, and even at times on outreach, I have felt alone or that people wanted to be friends with others more than me. Last week, a wise lady told me that I needed to learn to like myself. I realize just how true that is. I can not see people having fun together and growing close to each other, and immediately assume they do not like me, and put myself down. This is not the way God loves me. I am learning to pray scripture over myself (yes, really) as a way to break down this lie. I am learning to be free to be myself, and try to love on people without assuming they do not want my love. When it comes to beauty, I am believing that I am made in the image of God. I know that I am fearfully and wonderfully made. I am trying to learn to even eat in a way that brings Him honor. This goes with not eating too much, but also not eating too little as a way to lose weight. The scale will not be an idol. I am a creation of God, and I am trying to see myself and my body in that way. I wish I could make all these lies be gone by tomorrow, but as you can see I can not. God may chose to heal some people of them overnight, or maybe even me. But, unless He decides to do that, for me it is a process. It is a battle. But, in Christ, “The weapons we fight with are not the weapons of the world. On the contrary, we have divine power to demolish strongholds. We demolish arguments and every pretension that sets itself up against the knowledge of God, and we take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ.” II Corinthians 10:4.
Even after sharing my testimony, Allison (one of my team leaders) asked if any of the lies were coming up again, and the past couple weeks, they have definitely been coming up. For a while, I almost felt like a fake. I had just shared my testimony about overcoming lies, and I was feeling buried by them. But, I am learning new ways to fight them. I have power in Jesus name, and He has the victory. He sees me as beautiful and enough. Even though it is something I am still dealing with daily, God has changed my mindset and taught me so much. I see that He delights in me and cares about my heart and my desires too. I realize that Jesus is just SO GOOD! And beautiful. I won’t always feel like it, but sometimes those moments come, when you do feel it. In those moments you know, nothing else matters except Him, and that is just perfect for me too. It is the most beautiful thing ever.
After sharing some of this, and how God loves the kids, we did a project with them on Truth. It was meant to show how God sees them. Then we prayed and asked God is He had words for us to write about them as well. It was really cool to be able to speak life into them. To show them God’s undying love for them.
Some of the classes had a Thai teacher who was able to translate, but other classes did not. At first, it was upsetting, but I’m learning God speaks whatever He wants to the heart—beyond spoken language. Some of the kids said that they understood how I felt when I was acting in the play. Some of them knew about Jesus and others did not, but it was awesome to see them respond. In one class, the Thai teacher was talking about Jesus, and two little boys started asking questions like, “Do you really see Jesus?” and “Why did Jesus have to die for us?” and “So all you have to do is believe in Him?” It was such a blessing to be able to use the work God is doing in my life, to show the kids how He loves them that much too!